Simply Beautiful - It's Not Easy Being Beautiful

My whole life, one of my deepest desires has been to be beautiful.

But for the longest time, this seemed like a dream that would never come true.

I wasn't that pretty at all, was I?

I had long struggled with not thinking I was beautiful, but these feelings were especially amplified during my pre-teen/early teen years, when most girls tend to have these feelings. I tried to focus on other things and be strong though, and just told myself that maybe someday everything would change, and I would be happy forever. (Much like the caterpillar in A Bug's Life). 

Looking back on all those years, I see that I didn't understand what true beauty was.

So...what is it? And how do we achieve it?

Well, I am in no way the beauty expert, but I can tell you about my own personal discovery!

I was 16 years old! What a prime age! An age of driving, getting a job, and DATING!!! But I didn't get my drivers license until I was 17 and a half, I didn't have a job yet because I took way too many AP classes in high school (a nerd's gotta do what a nerd's gotta do), and I hadn't been asked on a date yet (probably because I wasn't that pretty, I thought). But alas, I was so excited, because it was now summertime! With summer time came Girls Camp, and this year, I was going to be a YCL (youth camp leader)! I was so excited, because this meant I got to teach classes, be a leader to younger girls, give devotionals, sleep in a cabin rather than a tent, wear sunglasses like a boss; it was a big deal!!!

One day, before camp, my YCL friends and I got together to plan the devotionals we would be giving to the girls we were assigned to. We decided on certain topics, then gave out assignments as to who would talk about what. I was pumped!

...Until I was assigned to give a devotional on "Deep Beauty"...

Oh no! What was I going to do? How could I possibly give a spiritual thought and testify of recognizing our beauty, when I felt that this was my greatest weakness? Surely, this couldn't be done! Not by me! But, I didn't want to tell my friends that I couldn't do what they had asked me (I guess I was a little too prideful to admit that I had a hard time with that). So I came home, cried,  prayed long and hard, then searched lds.org for various sources on the topic.

I remember reading talk after talk, searching through scriptures, and listening to hymns and other church music. I found so much information that helped me better understand what beauty is, and what beauty means to the Lord. I read about how beauty is something much more than a perfectly proportionate body, clear skin, luscious curls, a pretty face, any things that I lacked; it is the nature of our spirits.

I was reminded that, as a spirit child of God, I had true divine nature, and I was sent here to become like Him. I wasn't sent here to this earth to just look good, I was sent here to do good. I wasn't sent here to compare myself to others, I was sent here to lift others. I wasn't sent here to worship gorgeous celebrities, fashion magazines, or beauty gurus; but to "worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness" (1 Chronicles 16:29). I realized that my life isn't about proving my beauty to the eyes of men, but finding my beauty in the Lord. It is about being beautiful to Him.

My heart was changed.

This devotional assignment was something I completely dreaded at first, but after searching for answers, I found it to be one of the greatest blessings of my life. My whole world seemed changed, and there was more hope in my soul. I had a new testimony of what it means to be beautiful, and I couldn't wait to give my devotional to those sweet girls at camp.

I even made this nifty handout with quotes from Elaine S. Dalton and Gordon B. Hinckley!

Don't mind its worn out look...

After that girls camp experience, I noticed a change in my nature. I wasn't as shy anymore; I wanted to talk to people. I thought I had always been nice to people, but now I understood the importance of being nice to them, because I was able to see people as Children of God who also had divine nature and worth. I could see their deep beauty. I knew what I could become, because I knew who I was, and I knew what beauty was. The more beauty I cultivated on the inside, the easier it was to feel beautiful on the outside

But I can't yet top this story off with, "...and she lived happily ever after", because, in the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "it's not over till it's over."

It's not easy being beautiful.

All around me, and everyone, there are definitions of what beauty is to the world. The world likes to define it as things that aren't very virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. It's hard to find peace with ourselves when beauty is made up with lies. The world's lies. Satan's lies.

There are so many lies, it is really hard to keep track of the truth. It is hard to hear that voice that pulls us out of the holes of compromise, and enables us with courage. It is hard to believe that you are beautiful, when it seems that you don't quite measure up to the standards. For me, feeling beautiful takes a knowledge of who I  truly am, and a lot of trust in Heavenly Father.

These beautiful lyrics from a Jenny Phillips song are words that I go over in my mind when the lies of the world try to catch hold of me.

"I want to lead a life that
Is full of so much good
It attracts a light to me.
So I'm trusting in my Father
To magnify the beauty
He has placed in me.
I am confident in my divinity."

Even though I had a life changing experience, it's still hard for me. I imagine it's hard for many. But it is possible to rise above any feelings that keep us from feeling beautiful, and to truly feel confident in our divinity.

So, I've decided to make a series on my blog called "Simply Beautiful".

In these posts, I'll share in more detail about what I've learned about true beauty, and what I'm still learning.

So get ready to read about small and simple beauty tips for the soul that lead to greatness in and out, because, "Life is beautiful in its simplicity."

Like trees with little peach-like fruits on it!

-Nicole