This week, I have found myself dearly missing some friends who are on their missions right now. They are some of the best friends I have ever had. The love that these friends showed me was incredible and I have no doubt they are showing that same love to the people they are serving right now.
I couldn't be more grateful for the times they would do things like randomly show up at my house, "kidnap" me, and take me to Bahama Bucks or something! I must say though, their "kidnapings" were not always so random, because they seemed to take me out on the nights where I really needed an extra boost. I am so grateful for their example, and the lesson they helped teach me of being aware of those we love.
Sometimes, life is a bit overwhelming. To be honest, almost every night this week, I have wished they would come to my door and take me away in their loving friendship, and give me that boost I need to carry on. I've allowed myself to become a little discouraged and lonely as I've just stayed at home studying with my other "friend": my pathophysiology textbook...
One night, I felt pretty lonely. On top of my loneliness, I felt guilt; guilt for feeling lonely. How could I feel lonely!? I have been blessed with so many things in my life. I am surrounded by a loving family. I'm not totally friendless, I still have friends, don't I? I'm never truly alone, I have the Savior. I shouldn't feel lonely, I don't really have a good reason to, right? I was determined to tell myself that I wasn't lonely, and that I had nothing to worry about.
That didn't go over so well...but I tried...haha
Along came another long day, and the next night, both my brothers were busy and my parents were about to go out to eat. I was going to stay at home...alone. My mom knew I had been in the house all day studying, and asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner so I could get out. At first, I declined her offer. What if someone texted me and invited me to do something tonight? That's what I had been waiting for, right? If I went with my parents, I might miss out on something I had been waiting for.
Upon my rejection, my mom asked why I didn't want to come. When I told her why, she said: "But Nicole, if no one texts you, you're just gonna sit here all alone. I don't want you to be alone."
I'm an easy crier, and her last sentence triggered the tears. I told my mom about how I had been feeling lonely lately, and she said that she could tell. Both my mom and dad gave me some words of comfort, and encouraged me to act on these lonely feelings, instead of waiting for a solution to take them away. After that I went to dinner with my parents, and had a wonderful night with them. They truly gave me the love I needed that night.
After telling my mom about my feelings of loneliness, I didn't feel ashamed, I felt better.
Sometimes, I think we feel that we need to hide our loneliness. We certainly do not want to talk about it. It is something that almost everyone understands, but it can be so quickly accused of as self-pity. We don't want to be wallowing in self pity. Sometimes, we may even try to hide our loneliness from our own selves. Whether we believe we have good reason for being lonely or not, if the feeling is there, we need to address it.
When we try to hide our loneliness, it can continue to build, and weigh us down with criticizing or negative thoughts. When we choose to accept that we are lonely, we can make a plan of how to fight it. This plan can consist of choosing to fill our lives with things like love and service towards others. Sometimes it can take a great deal of humility to be able to say that we have felt lonely, but it is the humility that brings us to a perspective that allows us to look upward. As we look up, it is easier to see the small things in our lives that can fill our hearts and overflow any empty spaces. Much like my mom could already tell how I felt, Heavenly Father knows how we feel as well. As we pray to him, we can find peace and solutions to the troubles we may face. Heavenly Father loves us, and as we seek him through any trial we may face, he will give us small assurances that seem to say "I don't want you to be alone."
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