I laughed Instead

The past week, I have pondered something that brings joy to both the giver and receiver. Something that is beautiful and lovely. Something that has the power to turn tears in to laughter.

Service.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself overwhelmed by things that are out of my control. It was my opportunity at the moment to press forward with faith and have hope in Christ. I knew that everything would be okay, but I was still feeling a little bit weary and anxious.

I was talking to my friend Isaac about my situation. Despite my friend's busy schedule, and the various things he could have directed his attention to that night, this friend said that he would come by after work.

I felt bad at first. I didn't need to take up his time. And if I did, I was sure I would just end up crying. I didn't want to seem weak. I wanted to be a supporter, not a "supportee".

Well, I didn't end up crying.

My friend came over, then brought me to another friend's house. This other awesome friend of ours was also set back by some challenges, but, these in no way hindered joyous times to be had.

We all had a wonderful time visiting with each other. I was laughing at nearly everything. It felt so good to be there, that I began to forget the things I was worried about. It was beautiful, and I was truly being served by both of my friends as we spoke together and watched quality entertainment.

After this, my friend brought me to an activity I really hadn't planned on participating in. This was another service to me, because it gave me an extra push that I needed. It helped me recognize how to have fun, even when you're struggling.

At the end of the night, I thanked Isaac for letting me tag along with the visit and activity. What an adventure! It made my night, and helped me think less of the weight on my shoulders. He said that was the purpose behind it.

My friend chose to serve me that night by helping me think of others, and of other things. He could have sent me a comforting text, told me everything would be okay, brought me some ice-cream...all of these things would have been wonderful and helpful. But somehow, what he did for me that night was what I needed at that specific moment....and I didn't even know that I needed it. I am so blessed to have friends that are incredibly aware of me, and have the ability to carry out services that improve my spirit.

I am so grateful for the lesson that I was taught that night. It reminded me of the importance of service, and how it enables both givers and receivers with courage and faith. It inspired me to steer my thoughts away from myself, and position them with love and gratitude towards others. The greatest answers to my prayers have come from the seemingly small actions and words that others give to me. These are the moments that help me Come unto Christ and be of good cheer. I want to help other's come unto Christ as well.

Next time I feel like crying, I want to have the courage to laugh instead. ...And I know how :)

Adventure

Adventure, adventure, adventure! Sometimes my heart seems to scream for adventure. I get this intense desire to drop everything and just go on some quest of sorts.

So this means I'm ready to climb the highest mountain peaks, scope the deep blue sea, and save the world, right?

No...

My kind of adventure is following a cat around a neighborhood. Handing out fortune cookies to people on the city streets. Longboarding through the park at night. Hiking a mountain at night to see all the lights coming from houses and cars. Journeying through an over-sized furniture store and pretending the floor is covered in hot lava. Ding-dong ditching my neighbors and leaving actual Hostess Ding-Dongs at their doorstep. Going to Barnes and Nobel and reliving my childhood by reading all my old favorite picture books. Going to a park with a tire swing to have a jolly good time! People watching at the mall. Volunteering with something cool! Going fishing because I've never been, and I want to see for myself whether it is boring or not! Looking up at the stars and pretending I'm an astronomer. Jumping a fence!

Pretty dang exciting, eh?

My point is, sometimes I feel like there are so many things that I want to do, but I don't have the time to do it all. Mostly because I'm in school, or working. Or, I don't have anyone to do these things with, because they are in school or working. I keep hoping and waiting for adventures. I keep longing for the fun times. The good life.

But, wait a second! Isn't my life fun? Aren't I living the good life? Isn't my life an adventure?

Lately, I have been thinking about how fragile life is. I've been thinking about how we tend to take so many things for granted; so many people for granted. I've been thinking about how life is too short for...such and such. I've been thinking a lot about everything that has happened in my life.

Well, I have something to say...

My life is good, real good.

I have adventures everyday, right?

What about how I wake up early enough to see the sunrise each morning? What about how I get to walk about in downtown Phoenix nearly everyday? What about how I am learning to be a nurse every day I go to school? What about how I get to watch Spongebob at work? What about all those fun church activities I somehow have time for? What about the moments I get to have a conversation with a dear friend? What about all the times that I finally arrive at a destination, but have difficulty parking? What about the times I laugh with my brothers about something no one else would fully understand? What about all the crazy things that take place in the Montez home? What about the opportunities I have to serve others? What about the times my patients thank me, tell me about their lives, or reach for my hand? What about when I witness tender mercies in my life, and feel answers to my prayers?

These are all adventures! My whole life is an adventure.

Sometimes we just need the eyes to see beyond the mountains that stand in our way and make us feel small. However, these mountains are necessary, and a part of the adventure. Our adventure is to continue traveling upwards in the journey and enjoy each minute of it. Even the smallest events in life add to our adventure, and I wouldn't want to miss any part of it.

So, my list of adventures still awaits. But in the meantime, I'm pretty grateful for the unplanned adventures that take place in my life everyday. Each event in my life has an adventurous story in my book. I'm grateful for all the memories, and am determined to make more :) "Adventure is out there".

Partially lit

Sometimes I like to drive to the temple and just sit in the parking lot. Actually, I do this quite often...
I come here for alone time. I come here to ponder. To read my scriptures. To sing primary songs (don't laugh). To eat granola bars. All the important things in life! 

This last time around was an experience I felt like sharing.

I had just finished a wonderful night out with a dear friend. I was feeling good, but, to be totally truthful, I had a rough week. There were many things on my mind. I was planning on going to the temple the next morning, but, I just couldn't wait. I made another drive to the temple.

I arrived a little after 10pm, the parking lot was mostly empty, and the temple lights were turned down. I drove around the parking lot a bit, seeking the right spot.

After many minutes of my indecisiveness, I found a spot around the south side of the temple.

I sat in my car for a couple of minutes, letting my mind race through thought after thought. I didn't know where to begin. Many of my goals seemed to be falling through, I felt the pressure of challenges ahead, I thought about close friends and families members who were in need of guidance, I thought about how I myself was in need of guidance and assurance, and of the assistance I needed in overcoming inadequacies. Completely overwhelmed, I began to just pour my heart out to Heavenly Father.

Every single thing I was feeling, I told Him.

A couple of minutes later, I found myself staring straight ahead. I wasn't exactly staring at the temple though.

I was staring at a handicap parking spot positioned right in front of me.

My thoughts were turned to limitations. Primarily the limitations I have that were overwhelming my mind; whether they be physical, social, spiritual, or limitations brought on to myself by fear or feelings of inadequacy.

At first I didn't understand. I had just prayed, asking for direction and comfort. Why was I being reminded of things I already knew, and didn't want to be defined by?

But, as in all things, patience was key.

Next, I took sight to the temple, which was right behind the handicap parking spot. I now had the bigger picture in view.

I looked up at the temple. Oh, the Gilbert Temple. It looked so beautiful. I was overcome with emotion over it's glory. It stood so tall and pure.

It shined so brightly to me, even though it was not completely lit up. But it was enough.

And there was my comfort.

The temple was beautiful and glorious, strong and stable, tall and pure, even though it was not completely lit up. The light it did shine was just enough. It was still glorious despite it's nightly limitation of light.

I found peace in the tender mercy that was sent my way this night. It was a perfect manifestation of God's love, and Christ's enabling strength.

It is okay to be partially lit. Those small lights found in the dark of night will always be cherished. That is the light that keeps us going when we are otherwise in shadows. Those are our lights that have the most strength, burn the brightest, and will not be dimmed. There is always a little bit of faith to hold on to. And that is enough.

Longboarding Life Lessons

One February night, many moons ago, one of my best friends, Devin, asked me for one thing I have always wanted to learn how to do. After seconds of deep review...I told him about how I wanted to learn how to skateboard. When I told him this, I meant to express my aspiration in a "someday" kind of sense.

But lucky me, the goodly lad happened to have a LONGBOARD in his car. I suppose there is no time like the present...

Before we called it a night, I became acquainted with said longboard. I mostly just stood on it while Devin either pushed or pulled me along. Quite the pro, right? 

A few weeks later, Devin reminded me about how I needed another longboarding lesson! Oh goody! And, he had just replaced the wheels, so now the longboard could go even faster! ...Double goody! I accepted my future of dying in a freak longboarding accident, and gladly accepted another lesson.

We set out for lesson numero dos on a slightly chilly, and somewhat soggy March eve. This time around, I actually made more progress! It was a grand ole time, and from it, I learned many a thing! Turns out that I didn't just get longboarding lessons, I got some life lessons. Good job Devin!!! There are 5 key points I learned from my longboarding adventures. Here they be:

1. Trust. Our previous "lesson" just included me standing on the longboard, and Devin being my source of movement. Our location of choice was also the street in-front of my house, so the terrain was rather mild if I do say so myself. This time around, Devin brought me to a spacious park with some nice sidewalk dips. I daresay, I was rather nervous. Before making me go down by myself, Devin suggested that we both get on the longboard and go down together. I agreed, feeling I would be safe. That is, until I asked him if he had ridden on a longboard with another person before...and he said "No". It was then that I had to trust him that I would be alright, and should anything happen (like us crashing and burning for example) he'd protect me. We continued longboarding together for a few minutes before it was my turn to venture alone. Once again, I had to trust that I would be alright, and that if I fell, Devin would only laugh for a couple of seconds before coming to my aid. I made it down just fine, and was starting to like the thrill.

Sometimes life can seem very scary. Thankfully, we can put our trust in Heavenly Father. We can trust him through the scary dips in life. When this trust comes alive, we will realize that we are not alone, and that we are being aided and guided along. Even when we do feel like we are crashing and burning, we can trust that we can find healing through the Savior. This trusting can bring out joy even through the obstacles of life.

2. Proper Balance. I quickly learned that balance was important, even just to stand on a longboard. At least it wasn't as unstable as a skateboard! Devin would tell me about my foot placement, and even about leaning to certain sides in order to steer. I practiced leaning every which way before proceeding in motion. We moved to parts of the park that didn't just have dips, but had curves. Did I make it out alive??? Course I did...because I wrote this.

Balance is so important in our lives. First, we must start with a firm foundation, like...the rock of our Redeemer. We are promised that if we build on the foundation of Christ, we "cannot fall". I think of "leaning" as becoming familiar with different principles and areas of the gospel. When we practice our leaning, we exercise our faith in those areas. Then, when the road of life gives us dips and curves, we are prepared with our firm foundation, and various testimonies of truth.

3. Avoid puddles. Puddles? But weren't we in Gilbert, AZ? Why yes we were! But remember I said it was a soggy night? That is because it rained like crazy the night before. So there were puddles. Along with my steering through the sidewalk, I had to use my techniques to avoid the puddles. Didn't want to get the longboard all wet. I also did not want to get all wet, because then Devin might think I'm an unusually sweaty person.

Life has its share of puddles. They are not as apparent as curves and dips, and sometimes you can't even see them. They are the small and simple things. They can even seem harmless, because, it's just a bit of water. Right??? But when puddles creep up on you, next thing you know, you have soggy shoes AND socks. Ain't that the worst? Puddles may seem fun to spash around in, but you could easily become saturated in dirty water. Avoid these seemingly harmless puddles in life, because they can end up making you more miserable than you think.

4. Lean forward. Throughout this longboarding experience, Devin had to keep telling me over and over again to "lean forward"! I had a tendency to lean back. This was mostly out of fear. But Devin assured me that I would get better action if I would lean forward. How true that was! When I chose to lean forward rather than back, the experience was all the merrier, and I had better control of what was coming in my path.

Sometimes in life, I tend to be fearful of what is ahead of me. I dwell on the frightful experience of the past, and give no room for hope of the future. This is a dangerous thing. It keeps us from progressing. We must move forward with faith. When we move forward in life, and look up rather than down, we develop into who we can become, not who we currently are. We can change and be better. We can be happier. We can do incredible things.

5. Have Fun! I learned that what I thought would be such a difficult and embarrassing activity for me turned out to be really fun! Sure, I might have almost tripped a couple of times, but that was okay! Devin and I had a jolly good time and got in a good dose of laughs!

I think it was President Hinckley that said "Life is to be enjoyed not just endured". And then there is Elder Wirthlin's famous quote "Come what may, and love it". In life, we have to make the choice to have fun, and be happy. We can find light in the dark night, we can smile on our worst day, and we can laugh through our tears. "Men are that they might have joy"!

Well there you have it! All in all, this experience was one of my favorites! We had such a jolly good time, and he brought me home alive and well! I enjoyed this so much, and got a lot out of it! I'm so thankful to have a amazing friend like Devin who is patient with me, and who took me on an adventure to learn something new!

So next time you want to explore the meaning of life, grab a longboard and start cruising! 

Simply Beautiful - Comparisons

Do you ever compare yourself to others?

I hope you don't say no, because I think everyone does, even without thinking about it.

I sure do. But boy, can I think about it. 

In one of my family and human development classes, I learned that being able to compare oneself to his/her surrounding peers is actually a milestone of cognitive development. 

So, are comparisons good or bad? Well, they can be good when in pursuit of personal progress. For example, we can compare our actions of a previous day, to our actions of now, and what we would like our actions to be like in the future. 

However, most of the time, when we compare our self to others, we walk down a sandy hill. 

These are the bad comparisons. 

When I was in high school, I remember some of my guy friends going off about the hottest and most attractive celebrity women of the time. Women like Carrie Underwood, Emma Watson, Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, etc. Some of them had pictures of these women as their phone backgrounds, or even binder covers. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing that I would never look like any of these women. Oh my despair! I mean, Miley may have gone off the deep end, and I prefer not to have any association with her, but still... When you are a high school girl, you think that the guys that you go to school with are they guys who will eventually marry you, or at least date you. If that's what they found attractive, I was doomed, because I felt so far from it.

Even when we rid ourselves of Hollywood's fake cover-ups and beauty hacks, we can see the qualities that others appear to have, and feel a bit lacking.

I can honestly say, that college is so much better than both high school and the unpleasant years of middle school, for many a reason. One reason that pertains to this subject is the fact that most girls come to class dressed in sweats, ponytails, little to no makeup, etc. (At least in my classes). Dress to impress when you're barely trying to get by? Ain't nobody got time for that! But in middle school and high school, it seemed like you needed all the time in the world to be attractive in every way. Status, status, status! During those years of your life, it is so hard to not look around and not feel bad about yourself because you don't have the cute new shoes, the voluminous curls, the "perfect" body, the most sparkly eyes, the date every week, the highest grades, the athlete's talent, the popular attention, the life you think you want...

When I compare myself to others, don't I bring myself back to high school, or middle school, again? Don't I take a few steps back?

Personally for me, during some of those years of my life, I didn't know who I was supposed to be. All my life I had sung the words, "I am a child of God", but it took me 16 years of breathing to realize what that meant, how true it was, and how it made me feel.

I am not perfect at all, and I still compare myself to others. Sometimes it is just a small, simple little comparison. But when I start out with the small things, it just grows and grows until it becomes all consuming if I don't take action. When I feel myself grieving over my imperfections compared to the highlights of others, or when I feel like I'll never measure up to someone else's expectations, I have to stop myself. I have to take the time to remember what I know.

I know that I am a child of God. I know that God loves me. I know that I have a divine purpose.

I know that God made me, because he needed ME. 

Again, God made ME because he needed and wanted ME.

Maybe God didn't need another Carrie Underwood or Emma Watson. Maybe God didn't need another star athlete or fashionista. Maybe God didn't need a perfectly proportionate body, or a flirtatious personality. Maybe God didn't need another witty mind, or a flawless selfie taker.

Maybe God  needed a girl who forgets where she parked the car...a little too often for her own good. A girl that has a slight curve in her spine. A girl that doesn't know how to whistle, and ends up just kissing the atmosphere. A girl that has a colorful collection of cardigans because she gets cold...and she likes them. A girl that is obsessed with special k cereal. A girl who loves to watch old black and white movies. A girl that tends to have a hard time catching on to new board games. A girl that does this weird thing with her lips when she swallows a gulp of water. A girl that gets all excited over Mozart, Chopin, and Vivaldi. A girl that gets a mischievous thrill by ding-dong ditching a plate of cookies. A girl who openly admits to being a bit nerdy.

Because that's what he made in me. And I know that he has  purpose for me. I may not always have heaven's eyes to see that specific purpose, but my faith will clear the blur.

God needs me to be me. That doesn't mean that I can never improve myself. This life is all about overcoming and progressing to reach our eternal goals. Each of us can be perfected through Christ. But when it comes to comparing myself, and who I'm seeking to please, it doesn't matter so much what the world wants, what those around me want, or even what I think I want. It matters what God wants. It matters what Christ thinks of me. I want to be beautiful to Him.

Comparing our self to others brings us down. Try to avoid it. I know it can be hard. Oh, how hard it is! But the hard things are what make us stronger.

So the next time you are overwhelmed with the temptation of comparing yourself to others; whether it be a famous celebrity, bodybuilder, athlete, a co-worker, a peer, a friend, a friend of a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger, please remember who you are.

You are a child of God. You are a part of his great plan. You have a purpose. God made you, because he needed YOU. Just because someone else is beautiful, it doesn't mean that you aren't. You are beautiful! If you're a guy, you are handsome! You are important. You are special. You are you.

Simply Beautiful - Cute

Have you ever told a girl she is beautiful?

I believe every girl likes to be told she is beautiful...in some form or another! 

In fact, some crave it. I know that, from time to time, I get this craving.

There are many ways you can tell a girl she is beautiful! If you are unaware of the variety of words to use, you can always spend some time with a thesaurus. And thanks to One Direction, you can even let her know by saying "You don't know you're beautiful". A "like" of her photos on facebook or instagram might even suffice. 

Yes indeed, the ways to express your admiration of a girl's beauty are countless! 

In my life, I have noticed that one word is used to compliment my level of attractiveness more often than any other: Cute. 

Now, I am in no way ungrateful for anyone who has ever been kind enough to bestow this compliment upon me! Truly, it means A LOT to me. 

Cute is a wonderful word! You can use it in many ways! 

"Look at that cute little girl!" 

"Look at that cute little old woman!" 

"Look at that cute...little...20 year old...!?" 

Hmmm...maybe you don't hear the last sentence as often. So...what does this say about me? Am I appearing out of place? I pondered this some time ago. 

TWENTY! What a prime age (despite the fact that it is not a prime number). I am so happy to be in my twenties! I am definitely still a kid, but have already experienced, and endured, high school and other teen-aged problems! This is a time to continue to mature and develop into the amazing woman I hope to be, while still having fun of course! 

But, I can't help but notice what the world expects of me at this age. 

Maybe the world expects me to put off marriage and a family, focusing only on an education and career in order to state my independence and ambition. But, even though I am definitely working hard towards my education, to me, there is no greater ambition than marriage, and having a family. 

Maybe the world expects me to be all over the party scene, and look forward to my birthday in 6 months, so I can get a bit tipsy. But, I like parties with Disney movies and fun games, maybe especially with some cookies involved. 

Most of all, maybe the world wants me to show everything I've got, and look really really hot! But, I've got sleeves, and my shorts come to my knees. 

And yes, I know there is that phrase "Modest is hottest", but still, I've never really been described as hot before. 

It seems to me, that when most of the world comments on a 20-year-old's attractiveness, one of the main words used is "hot". 

Maybe that's not the very main word, but other words of the like, or at that end of the spectrum. Well, Cute is definitely at the opposite end...

So...if I'm referred to as cute, is there something wrong with me?  Am I not that beautiful, or drop dead gorgeous compared to other girls my age? Should I wear more makeup and change my hair? Should I post more selfies and edit them to the flawless max to get some approval? Will I be attractive enough to attract my future husband? Should I feel bad about myself, because I'm not that..."hot"? 

Well, I don't think posting more selfies is ever the answer to any life question. 

And after pondering the others for quite some time, I have come to a conclusion: The answer is NO.

And I am going to have to repeatedly tell myself "NO." 

It is okay to be cute! 

Just like "beautiful", "cute" is a timeless adjective. 

Just like I mentioned before, you can say: 

"Look at that cute little girl!" 

or

"Look at that cute little old-woman!" 

But if you say...

"Look at that hot little girl!" 

or

"Look at that hot little old-woman!" 

...that's just creepy. Don't say that! 

Cute goes beyond the description of the physical appearance. Someone can have a cute mind and soul, but if someone is described as having a hot mind and soul, they might be mistaken for having a fever of some sort. 

Yes, I have come to the conclusion that "cute" is a lovely word, and it shouldn't fail to make me feel beautiful or attractive. Girls who are complimented with being hot are blessed, but so are girls complimented with being cute; or attractive, stunning, adorable, darling, gorgeous, lovely, pretty, good-looking, ravishing, smokin', nice, happy, intelligent, strong, caring, beautiful. Because every girl is beautiful, and has something to offer to make the world a more beautiful place.

There is nothing wrong with being labeled as cute. I hope I was a cute little girl, I hope I can continue to be a cute 20-year-old, and are really hope someday I can be a cute little old lady!

So thank you to all the kindred spirits out there who have been kind enough to have told me that I am cute. It means the world to me! 

I'm sure it would mean the world to other girls as well, if they were told they were beautiful, in some form or another! 

But let's maybe use a little less of "hot", okay? There are more BEAUTIFUL words out there.

Dips in the Road

Have you ever been on a road-trip, where, maybe a few hours into the drive, you encounter some dips in the road?

I sure have! Recently, my family made a trip to Utah. We got to experience many dips in the road.

I am one of those people who loves the dips in the road! I love that tingly feeling I get in my tummy that makes me feel like I'm at Disneyland! When my dad is driving, he likes to speed up to make things extra fun! Plus, if there is a dip in the road, the terrain must not totally be flat and boring, which means that there is some of earth's surrounding beauty to admire. Oh, it's a grand ole time. I sure am grateful for the dips in the road!

But what about the dips in my road? The dips in my life's path? Am I as excited about those? Should I be?

Almost never at first! These dips are scary and get me down! I might still get a tingly feeling in my stomach, but it's more of a "Steer clear, I'm about to hurl" rather than "I am really enjoying myself at this moment".

Why is there such a difference in my feelings about these to situations. They are similar in purpose, are they not?

Maybe it's all about the perspective.

Those fun little dips in the road just give me a taste of the joy and excitement I can have once I reach my destination. They give me a little bit of experience and prepare me.

The dips in my life also prepare me! They prepare me by making me stronger. They teach me love, patience, compassion, faith, hope, endurance. They even teach me happiness, I just have to look for it. Yes, the dips in my life prepare me for what I can become, and what I was designed to be. They prepare me for when I meet my next destination.

Next time I feel like I am traveling through another dip in my roadway of life, I'm going to try thinking about the joy that lies ahead instead of feeling weighed down. I'm going to try being grateful instead of wondering why. I am going to try laughing instead of crying. Instead of closing my eyes, I am going to look for the beauty that still surrounds me.

...Because I'm grateful for the dips in the road.

Boxes and Light

"I feel like hiding in a box". 

Those were the words I disclosed to a friend the other day. 

Now, I know what you're thinking... "But Nicole, boxes aren't very comfortable!" 

I think there are times in all of our lives where we feel like hiding, and are maybe considering never coming out of hiding. Life can be stressful and tough. Sometimes we are hurt, or we hurt others. Maybe we feel we can't keep up with everyone else. We make mistakes. We fall short. We become afraid. Maybe we feel like giving up. So we want to run and hide. We might even build up walls around us, and just stay there within. We can create a box. 

BUT...boxes aren't very comfortable. There is no room for stretching and growth in a box. Boxes are dark inside when they are all closed up. Things in boxes miss out on sharing their purpose to the world. 

So what is your purpose? What is my purpose? Who are we? The Savior offers this answer: 


14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. 
-Mathew 5:14-16


Do you know that God designed you to glow? Each of us has light to offer this world. We can be a light, filled with truth and purpose. 

How could I feel like hiding in a box with such a potential to do good? With the brightness of hope? The flame of faith? 

So I can just jump out of my box, escape my hiding, and shine for the whole world this very minute, right? 

Not always. So what do we do?

First, we can accept that we are the light of the world, and that we have the privilege and duty to shine for others, bringing them closer to Christ. But in order to do that, we must come closer to Christ as well. 

In moments of fear, when we are hiding in a box, our flame of faith can grow very dim. We can strengthen this flame through having faith in Christ. The striking first line belonging to a favorite hymn of mine states "The Lord is my light, then why should I fear?" The Lord can give us strength, with which we can do all things. He can heal us. He has atoned for us. His grace is sufficient for us. He can lead us along. With his help and presence in our lives, we can be filled with light, and no darkness can remain. 

This light gives me true joy and true hope. It is a light of eternal love and happiness. It helps me see more clearly all that is placed before me; the perspective being more heavenly. 

As we are filled with this light, we can share it, to spark the flames of others as well. 

Why would I want to hide any of this now? 

Sometimes sharing our light can be daunting. Sometimes our light may seem rejected by others, but that doesn't mean that our flame was blown out. Only we determine that. True, the winds may threaten our flame, but we can continually strengthen it with the foundation of Christ. The rock of our Redeemer "whereon if men build, they cannot fall". (Helaman 5:12)

My light has flickered here and there, and my flame has been threatened, but I can never deny the power of Christ. His light is the source of my light, and it is what I want to share. 

So, don't be afraid of the darkness around you. Share your light. Shine for others. Be kind and loving. Give service. Share your testimony of truth. Give support by small and simple things. Be a disciple of Christ, and lead others to Him. 

"Each time you choose to try to live more like the Savior, you will have your testimony strengthened. You will come in time to know for yourself that He is the Light of the World. You will come to feel light growing in your life. It will not come without effort. But it will come as your testimony grows and you choose to nurture it...You will be a light to the world as you share your testimony with others. You will reflect to others the Light of Christ in your life." 
-Henry B. Eyring

Have faith. Do not hide...especially in a box. 

Don't Fall For a Willoughby

*SPOILER ALERT: The following post may give away details about Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. It may also include summaries of Nicole's dating life. Proceed with caution.*

The other night, I was feeling a lack of romance in my life, and figured that a romantic fiction is as close as I could get at this point. So, I decided to watch one of my favorite movies: Sense and Sensibility!!! (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it! In fact, I'd be happy to watch it with you.)

I admit it, I'm one of THOSE GIRLS who loves a good dose of Jane Austen! Surprisingly, even my brother Scott kept me company, and watched some of it with me. As we were watching this classy film, Scott made sure to make numerous comments; most making fun of the plot, characters, or expressing how the scene "should have gone". But, after one scene that portrayed Ms. Marianne Dashwood brokenhearted and in despair, Scott turned to me and said...

"See Nicole, DON'T FALL FOR A WILLOUGHBY".

But...who is Willoughby? What is a "Willoughby"?

Is a Willoughby a guy who breaks my heart? A guy who constantly texts another girl while I'm on a date with him? A guy who wants to take me on a "date", but ends up bringing another girl with him? A guy who flirts with and is surrounded by so many other female "friends", that I'm just an unimportant addition to the collection? A guy who makes my life feel like a Taylor Swift song???

Is this a Willoughby?

No, that's a Wallaby! (insert pity laugh here). What is a Willoughby? Well, this is Willoughby:

I must say, he looks pretty handsome with his nice dark hair, bold brows, and Georgian era style! He is also very well spoken and charming.

But, why has my goodly brother advised me not to fall for such a man?

At first, I thought Scott was just making a silly comment. But as I thought about his statement more, I felt the love my brother has for me when he said it.

Dear ole Scott has seen me through some of my dating mishaps! He has even seen me at times when I've felt like Marianne Dashwood.

(Except my face would look more like a mixture of Niagara Falls and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)

When I took this into consideration, I realized Scottie wants the best for his little sister! How nice! So I began to examine what makes a Willoughby, and what I should be careful with. Here are some things I came up with.

1. Willoughby: The hero. 
Willoughby and Marianne's first meeting took place as he came to her rescue. The silly girl decided to go for a walk during a storm, and ended up tripping and twisting her ankle. Willoughby came riding up on his horse, found her in her distress, and brought her home safely.

What a great deed! He definitely gets some brownie points here, but, this is a place to be cautious. Of course, not every guy who does a good deed for a girl, or appears to be a hero after a hard time, is secretly out to deceive her. But, it doesn't mean that they are THE knight in shining armor. While we can be extremely grateful, perhaps one should not become caught up in love at this point.



2. Willoughby is quite the Charmer.
This man seems perfect. He is handsome, has a romantic personality, reads poetry, and is full of fun. This is something that can feel very refreshing! But, there are other personality traits to examine other than "charming". There are other qualities too, for happiness!

3. Willoughby's behavior
It is important to not only examine how someone treats you, but also how they treat others. At one point in the movie, Willoughby begins to make fun of Colenol Brandon (who is perhaps the most noble man in the story). Not cool Willoughby, not cool...

4. Willoughby leaves.
Willoughby ends up suddenly leaving Marianne. Later on we find out his reasons for doing so, but he was not honest with her at first. He just fled. This is like a guy who leads a girl on, and then just leaves...as if nothing happened.

5. Willougby is unresponsive.
After Willoughby suddenly leaves, Marianne tries to contact him, to see where their love stands. But he doesn't respond to her letters. This leaves Marianne waiting, and devastated. Waiting like this isn't fun.

Later on, Marianne once again sees Willoughby face to face at a ball, greets him pleasantly, but asks why he has not responded to her. He tries to avoid her, gives a lame "I've been busy" kind of excuse, then walks away to be with another girl. Ouch! It isn't until the next day that Willoughby sends her a cold letter telling her that his affections have been long engaged elsewhere. Pretty much breaking up through text. Once again, not cool, and kind of cowardly.

6. Implied but never Declared. 
This point is crucial! Willoughby was never clear to Marianne about what his intentions were. In the past, I thought actions could speak louder than words, and a person was to show you that you meant something to them. But I have since learned the importance of communication as well. Willoughby made everyone believe that he loved Marianne, but, he coldly left her. This made Marianne feel upset with herself I'm sure, believing that Willougby had technically "broken no vow."

Marianne: No—he is not so unworthy as you think him.

Elinor: Not so unworthy! Did he tell you that he loved you?
Marianne: Yes. No—never absolutely. It was every day implied, but never declared. 

Sometimes I thought it had been, but it never was. He has broken no vow.
Elinor: He has broken faith with all of us, he made us all believe he loved you!
Marianne: He did! He did—he loved me as I loved him.

Willoughby made Marianne cry! If only he knew the counsel by Thomas S. Monson. :)

7. Willoughby just isn't nice! 
It is finally revealed why Willoughby did what he did. It is also revealed that he had a scandalous and sinful past where he abandoned another girl. How sad. Now, in this case, it did turn out that Willoughby did indeed genuinely love Marianne, and wanted to marry her, but under his circumstances, he chose the money instead. So he loved Marianne, but, "Not enough, not enough."

And those are just some of the characteristics of a Willoughby. He is not full of all bad traits, but there are some things to be careful of.

Not every single guy I meet will be a Willoughby, and I would hate to be one who overly judges people and their situations. But I can sure let my experience turn sensibility into sense, and let my sense be softened into sensibility. Both are needed.

I am thankful for my wise brother who even jokingly said that little statement, "Don't fall for a Willoughby". He probably didn't think his comment would inspire deeper thought on my part.

So don't be a Willoughby, and don't fall for a Willoughby.

...Go for Colonel Brandon he is kind, nobel, ...and rich!!! ;)

Simply Beautiful - It's Not Easy Being Beautiful

My whole life, one of my deepest desires has been to be beautiful.

But for the longest time, this seemed like a dream that would never come true.

I wasn't that pretty at all, was I?

I had long struggled with not thinking I was beautiful, but these feelings were especially amplified during my pre-teen/early teen years, when most girls tend to have these feelings. I tried to focus on other things and be strong though, and just told myself that maybe someday everything would change, and I would be happy forever. (Much like the caterpillar in A Bug's Life). 

Looking back on all those years, I see that I didn't understand what true beauty was.

So...what is it? And how do we achieve it?

Well, I am in no way the beauty expert, but I can tell you about my own personal discovery!

I was 16 years old! What a prime age! An age of driving, getting a job, and DATING!!! But I didn't get my drivers license until I was 17 and a half, I didn't have a job yet because I took way too many AP classes in high school (a nerd's gotta do what a nerd's gotta do), and I hadn't been asked on a date yet (probably because I wasn't that pretty, I thought). But alas, I was so excited, because it was now summertime! With summer time came Girls Camp, and this year, I was going to be a YCL (youth camp leader)! I was so excited, because this meant I got to teach classes, be a leader to younger girls, give devotionals, sleep in a cabin rather than a tent, wear sunglasses like a boss; it was a big deal!!!

One day, before camp, my YCL friends and I got together to plan the devotionals we would be giving to the girls we were assigned to. We decided on certain topics, then gave out assignments as to who would talk about what. I was pumped!

...Until I was assigned to give a devotional on "Deep Beauty"...

Oh no! What was I going to do? How could I possibly give a spiritual thought and testify of recognizing our beauty, when I felt that this was my greatest weakness? Surely, this couldn't be done! Not by me! But, I didn't want to tell my friends that I couldn't do what they had asked me (I guess I was a little too prideful to admit that I had a hard time with that). So I came home, cried,  prayed long and hard, then searched lds.org for various sources on the topic.

I remember reading talk after talk, searching through scriptures, and listening to hymns and other church music. I found so much information that helped me better understand what beauty is, and what beauty means to the Lord. I read about how beauty is something much more than a perfectly proportionate body, clear skin, luscious curls, a pretty face, any things that I lacked; it is the nature of our spirits.

I was reminded that, as a spirit child of God, I had true divine nature, and I was sent here to become like Him. I wasn't sent here to this earth to just look good, I was sent here to do good. I wasn't sent here to compare myself to others, I was sent here to lift others. I wasn't sent here to worship gorgeous celebrities, fashion magazines, or beauty gurus; but to "worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness" (1 Chronicles 16:29). I realized that my life isn't about proving my beauty to the eyes of men, but finding my beauty in the Lord. It is about being beautiful to Him.

My heart was changed.

This devotional assignment was something I completely dreaded at first, but after searching for answers, I found it to be one of the greatest blessings of my life. My whole world seemed changed, and there was more hope in my soul. I had a new testimony of what it means to be beautiful, and I couldn't wait to give my devotional to those sweet girls at camp.

I even made this nifty handout with quotes from Elaine S. Dalton and Gordon B. Hinckley!

Don't mind its worn out look...

After that girls camp experience, I noticed a change in my nature. I wasn't as shy anymore; I wanted to talk to people. I thought I had always been nice to people, but now I understood the importance of being nice to them, because I was able to see people as Children of God who also had divine nature and worth. I could see their deep beauty. I knew what I could become, because I knew who I was, and I knew what beauty was. The more beauty I cultivated on the inside, the easier it was to feel beautiful on the outside

But I can't yet top this story off with, "...and she lived happily ever after", because, in the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "it's not over till it's over."

It's not easy being beautiful.

All around me, and everyone, there are definitions of what beauty is to the world. The world likes to define it as things that aren't very virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. It's hard to find peace with ourselves when beauty is made up with lies. The world's lies. Satan's lies.

There are so many lies, it is really hard to keep track of the truth. It is hard to hear that voice that pulls us out of the holes of compromise, and enables us with courage. It is hard to believe that you are beautiful, when it seems that you don't quite measure up to the standards. For me, feeling beautiful takes a knowledge of who I  truly am, and a lot of trust in Heavenly Father.

These beautiful lyrics from a Jenny Phillips song are words that I go over in my mind when the lies of the world try to catch hold of me.

"I want to lead a life that
Is full of so much good
It attracts a light to me.
So I'm trusting in my Father
To magnify the beauty
He has placed in me.
I am confident in my divinity."

Even though I had a life changing experience, it's still hard for me. I imagine it's hard for many. But it is possible to rise above any feelings that keep us from feeling beautiful, and to truly feel confident in our divinity.

So, I've decided to make a series on my blog called "Simply Beautiful".

In these posts, I'll share in more detail about what I've learned about true beauty, and what I'm still learning.

So get ready to read about small and simple beauty tips for the soul that lead to greatness in and out, because, "Life is beautiful in its simplicity."

Like trees with little peach-like fruits on it!

-Nicole

My Life as a Little Sister

Today is a marvelous day! Not only is it Thursday, April 10, 2014...but it is also National Sibling Day!!!

No matter how much I have always wanted a sister, nothing can make up for the love I have for my two incredible older brothers!!! They were the first best friends I ever had, and still are my very best! They are amazing and I have always looked up to them! ...Even though they are crazy nuts!

The list is really endless, but here are some reasons why I think they are the best, and am so happy to be their little sister:

1. They make me laugh. I don't know many who can constantly make me laugh quite like my brothers! They have been making me laugh my whole life.

Yes, even with small beginnings.

They know how to make me laugh at any time. They can even break me when I'm trying really hard to remain upset by something. Even just listening to their laughs makes me laugh so hard that I can't breathe! Their sense of humor is one in the same, and something that I think really defines the Montez brothers! Whether it is the noises they make, the things they say, the episodes of Spongebob they quote, or the other little things that people may classify as "dumb", I love it! It sure warms my life!

2. They are wonderful examples. I have looked up to my brothers (quite literally too, because I'm small) my whole life. They have always been a great example to me and I have always strived to follow in their footsteps!

They have guided me throughout many things in this life and have helped in showing me the best paths to take!

They have always been very responsible about their school, work, and relationships with other people. When I was younger, I would always watch what they were doing. I would watch how they would talk with their friends, how they would give talks at church, how they would fulfill the chores that my parents gave them. I watched how they grew. They are both very strong young men inside and out. Daniel is very direct, one with a strong voice, and Scott also has leadership qualities, as well as a plan that only needs executing. They are both very hard working, and know how to become happy.

They are both also very strong spiritually! They always have been. For years, I have passed by their rooms (or maybe just waltzed in unannounced, because that's what little siblings do), and seen them studying their scriptures, listening to a talk, praying, making phone calls to members of the ward, etc.

They both served full time missions, and I know that they truly served as instruments in the Lord's hands. I know that they still do to this day, because they have such a strong fellowshipping spirit about them. I love being in the same singles ward with them, because I get to see them magnify their calling on a daily basis. They inspire me to be more diligent in my responsibilities.

I also love how they make sure to attend the temple on a weekly basis. They have been doing this for a couple of years, ever since they returned from their missions. They, along with my parents, have taught me the importance of temple attendance, and I feel so blessed to live so close to the Gilbert temple and take on that weekly blessing as well.

My brothers are so virtuous in thought and deed. Whenever there is some non-uplifting commercial on TV or something, they change the channel. I said earlier how hilarious they are, and I take joy in the fact that their humor is always clean. Because of my brothers, I understand how important it is for a girl like myself to stand for virtue in a world that would have me make something less of what I am really designed for.

3. They include me in their lives. I am so grateful that my brothers make time for me, and they also want me to be a part of their lives. The time the give me and spend with me makes me feel loved so much. It is often easy for a youngest child to feel a little left out of things sometimes. Don't get me wrong, we have our differences. Daniel and Scott are the dynamic duo. They laugh at the same things, like the same music, they both love sports, they can talk business, they are both BOYS! I can sometimes be the awkward third wheel of a little sister (who doesn't know much about sports), but I am so grateful they bring me along. They also give room for some of the things I like. Daniel really took to "Les Mis" and sometimes I hear Scott listening to the classical music station when he is driving. :)

They also always made sure to play with me and let me in on their fun when I was little!

The three of us have always been very close, but I think the older we have gotten, the closer we have gotten. We have had deeper conversations, and have been able to hang out with each other more often than not! It is so fun being in the same singles ward with them! I don't think I would rather be in any other ward, even if there were some great looking guys for me (maybe)! They introduced me to the amazingness of YSA life, and it has been great as their friends have become my friends!

4. I don't know what I would do without them! Life without my brothers can be very hard for me. Like I said, they are my very best friends. I am so used to seeing them every single day. They both bring so much light into my life. Even if I am not feeling up to participating with them from the struggles of life, the entertainment of watching them is enough to bring a smile to my face.

It was quite different for me when they were on their missions. When Daniel was gone, Scott and I missed him. Daniel in a way was our ring leader. But alas, we made it through, and our sibling relationship grew. Then when Scott was gone, Daniel and I missed him terribly! Scott is the source of all things jovial in our house. We still found things to laugh at, but most of our laughs came from memories of Scott.

But the hardest time for me was a space of 4 months when their missions overlapped. Scott left in May 2010, and Daniel didn't get home until September 2010. Our house was so quite and I felt kind of lonely. I almost felt like I wasn't completely myself without them.

One of the best days of my life was when all three of us were united again in June 2012! Such a happy day! Whenever I reflect on that happy homecoming day, I realize how much I need both of my brothers and that Heavenly Father gave them to me for a specific reason.

5. One reason that simply cannot go unannounced is the fact that my brothers love to dance! They are dancing champions! Their dancing brings me so much happiness! Daniel thinks he is so cool with his fly moves...

 ...and Scott tries too ;)

You never know when someone is going to break out dancing in the Montez household! In the words of Nacho "It is the best, I love it!". From their Michael Jackson moves, to trying to moonwalk on the kitchen tile; to their Latin dances, to going crazy at wedding receptions; to church dances, to taking a break from homework to bust a move to killer jams, I love it!!!

So now you know some of the simple reasons why I love my brothers! My brothers are a huge part of my life and I love them so much! I am so so so blessed to have them, even though we sometimes argue, or a certain 22 yr old likes to chase me around the house still to this day...

I love you Daniel and Scott! Happy National Sibling Day!

Look How Far We've Come

I can't believe we are already in March of 2014!!! Or that it is 2014 in general. At least I can remember to write "2014" while marking the date on my papers. I always had a hard time catching on to "2013". If you were to look back, you would find a ton of my school papers dated in 2012, all the way into October of 2013. Don't judge.

Anyway, March is always a pretty cool month. Well, actually no, not literally, because this is when it starts warming up in Arizona, but at least I can always look forward to Spring Break!

I have been on Spring Break for almost a week now, and oh, how it has felt so good! It has been quite relaxing as I have had the opportunity to spend time with family, and take a break from school. (I haven't touched my Pathophysiology book in a week! Although, it would probably be a smart idea to get ahead on some of the readings...)

Yesterday, My mom and I were reflecting on what this time was like a year ago, back in March of 2013.

March of 2013 is definitely a time that is noteworthy in my life. It's a time that reminds me of a famous line from William Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar: "Beware the ides of March". If you are familiar with the play, you know that the "Ides of March" were not the jolliest of times.

Last Spring Break was a trying time in the Montez household. I thought I was doing completely fine, but then I was faced with a hardship. Meanwhile, both my brothers were enduring different challenges of their own. Yes, all three of us were brought a little low at this time. But when you are brought to a lower level, you have more room to reach up and look to God. Last General Conference, President Monson gave a talk entitled We Never Walk Alone.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/we-never-walk-alone?lang=engIn it he says "I promise you that you will one day stand aside and look at your difficult times, and you will realize that He was always there beside you." His promise could not be more true.

Even though each of us were struggling with one thing or another, I think we were all able to increase our trust in Heavenly Father and The Savior. We were also able to understand each other's difficulties better, and show love and support. We prayed for each other with all sincerity, made our conversation uplifting, and took the time to help one another. So even though this was a rough patch in my life, I am grateful for it because I learned some things I did not completely understand before; things I needed to know. My testimony of Christ was strengthened, and I truly know that my Redeemer lives. I understood how he was my source of light, my friend, how he lifts me, and how he walks with me. I have been able to continue to build on the things I learned since last March, and my testimony has expanded to new heights.

Fast-forwarding up to this March, and this week, I can say that I am doing a lot better than how I was a year ago. I am not saying that I am perfect. It took quite some time to build up that stronger testimony with new understandings. I've also had other trials over the last year that have tested my faith. Even now, I am not free of difficulties.

So as I was talking with my mom, she said something like "Look how far you've come."

It is wonderful to look back and look at all the things you have learned, and see the progress. But I know that my challenges didn't end there, and they don't end here. There is still plenty of room for progression, to truly become what Heavenly Father designed me to be. It's a lot like Elder Edward Dube's talk from last General Conference, where he talked about looking ahead at what we still have to do. In his talk, he quotes Elder Holland saying: "The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future.

I am grateful for the times in our lives when we can look back at the hard times, and not dwell on sadness, pain, or even nausea, but instead can feel God's overwhelming love. No matter how big or small each trial is, we can take something out of it that has potential to produce life changing results. There is always something to learn in every trial, and we have a chance to grow. Opportunities like this give us perspective and hope for the future.

My Milk Mercy

Tonight, my mom reminded me that I was out of milk, and that I needed to go get some. I'm glad that she gave me something to do. Earlier today I was supposed to go help out with a service project, but I somehow forgot that I had a school assignment due at 6pm, so I had to stay home and do that. Since I missed out on the service project, I had this feeling of emptiness, like I hadn't done anything productive in the day. This feeling was starting to grow into a plain negative and low spirited vibe, so I was happy to follow my mom's orders and get out.

"Where to go?" I thought. I could go to Frys, which is so close, I could go to Walmart, or I could go to WinCo!!! I thought driving by the Gilbert Temple would lighten my spirit, so I eliminated Frys from the mix, and now the decision was between Walmart or WinCo. Well, WinCo has the word WIN in it, so that should obviously be my choice if I want to be a WINNER at life, right? Plus, it's way more spacious than Walmart, and I like spacious buildings (as long as they are NOT Great and Spacious Buildings). 

Once I got to WinCo, I traveled the long journey through the store to where the milk is located, grabbed my lactose/fat free carton, and traveled back to the front. I usually like to use those fancy self check-outs, but to my dismay, they were closed for the night. There was only one register open, so I got in line behind a woman with a large array of groceries. Not only did she have a lot of groceries, but A LOT of coupons to go with those! And there I stood, with my one carton of milk...

Finally, the long line up of her groceries was nearly over, but then, that woman received a phone call. Oh goody! I could see the annoyed look in the employees eyes as she struggled to communicate with the woman that her coupons were not valid. I heard the man standing behind me comment on how rude it is when people are on the phone while going through the check-out line. I was starting to feel impatient myself, but as I listened to the woman's phone conversation, I could tell that there was some distress in her voice. I overheard her mentioning a couple of medical terms, and asking whoever she was talking to if her daughter knew about this. 

The employee was still annoyed as she waited for the woman to pay for her groceries, and her annoyed state only grew stronger when the woman gave her the wrong amount of money at first. Finally as the employee was giving this woman her receipt, the woman hung up the phone, and then apologized. She said she was sorry for her behavior, and that she had to take the call because her husband was in the hospital. The employee just nodded and pointed to where the woman's groceries were (because at WinCo, you bag your own groceries). 

Next the employee quickly rang up my milk in less than a minute. I walked to the bagging end, to grab my milk and noticed that the woman with the endless amount of groceries had not even started bagging hers yet. I asked her if she would like some help, and she looked up at me and said "Oh no thanks, I've held you up enough." with a little nervous laugh, but her eyes were watery with tears. 

When I see people cry, I get all choked up myself, (and I was already a little choked up from not being in the brightest of moods), so all I could do was smile at her, and completely ignore her rejection to my help. Thankfully, she didn't get upset, and just let me help her. We also took her groceries out to her car. When we were all finished up, she thanked me. All I said was "Oh, no problem", but I wish I would have told her that I was the one that needed to be thankful. 

This little experience at WinCo is what I needed tonight. It gave me an opportunity to serve. It helped me steer my thoughts away from the things that were pressing on my mind, and filled me with love. It reminded me of the importance of being faithful, kind, patient to anyone we meet, because we don't always know what kind of day they have had or what limitations they may be struggling with. Marvin J Aston said:“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” And just like with others, we need to be faithful and patient with ourselves, and the circumstances we experience everyday, because we don't always know what is in store for us. We can't always see through Heaven's eyes. We don't always know Heavenly Father's plan for us at the moment, but He is always in control, and His plan is always perfect.