Simply Beautiful - It's Not Easy Being Beautiful

My whole life, one of my deepest desires has been to be beautiful.

But for the longest time, this seemed like a dream that would never come true.

I wasn't that pretty at all, was I?

I had long struggled with not thinking I was beautiful, but these feelings were especially amplified during my pre-teen/early teen years, when most girls tend to have these feelings. I tried to focus on other things and be strong though, and just told myself that maybe someday everything would change, and I would be happy forever. (Much like the caterpillar in A Bug's Life). 

Looking back on all those years, I see that I didn't understand what true beauty was.

So...what is it? And how do we achieve it?

Well, I am in no way the beauty expert, but I can tell you about my own personal discovery!

I was 16 years old! What a prime age! An age of driving, getting a job, and DATING!!! But I didn't get my drivers license until I was 17 and a half, I didn't have a job yet because I took way too many AP classes in high school (a nerd's gotta do what a nerd's gotta do), and I hadn't been asked on a date yet (probably because I wasn't that pretty, I thought). But alas, I was so excited, because it was now summertime! With summer time came Girls Camp, and this year, I was going to be a YCL (youth camp leader)! I was so excited, because this meant I got to teach classes, be a leader to younger girls, give devotionals, sleep in a cabin rather than a tent, wear sunglasses like a boss; it was a big deal!!!

One day, before camp, my YCL friends and I got together to plan the devotionals we would be giving to the girls we were assigned to. We decided on certain topics, then gave out assignments as to who would talk about what. I was pumped!

...Until I was assigned to give a devotional on "Deep Beauty"...

Oh no! What was I going to do? How could I possibly give a spiritual thought and testify of recognizing our beauty, when I felt that this was my greatest weakness? Surely, this couldn't be done! Not by me! But, I didn't want to tell my friends that I couldn't do what they had asked me (I guess I was a little too prideful to admit that I had a hard time with that). So I came home, cried,  prayed long and hard, then searched lds.org for various sources on the topic.

I remember reading talk after talk, searching through scriptures, and listening to hymns and other church music. I found so much information that helped me better understand what beauty is, and what beauty means to the Lord. I read about how beauty is something much more than a perfectly proportionate body, clear skin, luscious curls, a pretty face, any things that I lacked; it is the nature of our spirits.

I was reminded that, as a spirit child of God, I had true divine nature, and I was sent here to become like Him. I wasn't sent here to this earth to just look good, I was sent here to do good. I wasn't sent here to compare myself to others, I was sent here to lift others. I wasn't sent here to worship gorgeous celebrities, fashion magazines, or beauty gurus; but to "worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness" (1 Chronicles 16:29). I realized that my life isn't about proving my beauty to the eyes of men, but finding my beauty in the Lord. It is about being beautiful to Him.

My heart was changed.

This devotional assignment was something I completely dreaded at first, but after searching for answers, I found it to be one of the greatest blessings of my life. My whole world seemed changed, and there was more hope in my soul. I had a new testimony of what it means to be beautiful, and I couldn't wait to give my devotional to those sweet girls at camp.

I even made this nifty handout with quotes from Elaine S. Dalton and Gordon B. Hinckley!

Don't mind its worn out look...

After that girls camp experience, I noticed a change in my nature. I wasn't as shy anymore; I wanted to talk to people. I thought I had always been nice to people, but now I understood the importance of being nice to them, because I was able to see people as Children of God who also had divine nature and worth. I could see their deep beauty. I knew what I could become, because I knew who I was, and I knew what beauty was. The more beauty I cultivated on the inside, the easier it was to feel beautiful on the outside

But I can't yet top this story off with, "...and she lived happily ever after", because, in the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "it's not over till it's over."

It's not easy being beautiful.

All around me, and everyone, there are definitions of what beauty is to the world. The world likes to define it as things that aren't very virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy. It's hard to find peace with ourselves when beauty is made up with lies. The world's lies. Satan's lies.

There are so many lies, it is really hard to keep track of the truth. It is hard to hear that voice that pulls us out of the holes of compromise, and enables us with courage. It is hard to believe that you are beautiful, when it seems that you don't quite measure up to the standards. For me, feeling beautiful takes a knowledge of who I  truly am, and a lot of trust in Heavenly Father.

These beautiful lyrics from a Jenny Phillips song are words that I go over in my mind when the lies of the world try to catch hold of me.

"I want to lead a life that
Is full of so much good
It attracts a light to me.
So I'm trusting in my Father
To magnify the beauty
He has placed in me.
I am confident in my divinity."

Even though I had a life changing experience, it's still hard for me. I imagine it's hard for many. But it is possible to rise above any feelings that keep us from feeling beautiful, and to truly feel confident in our divinity.

So, I've decided to make a series on my blog called "Simply Beautiful".

In these posts, I'll share in more detail about what I've learned about true beauty, and what I'm still learning.

So get ready to read about small and simple beauty tips for the soul that lead to greatness in and out, because, "Life is beautiful in its simplicity."

Like trees with little peach-like fruits on it!

-Nicole

My Life as a Little Sister

Today is a marvelous day! Not only is it Thursday, April 10, 2014...but it is also National Sibling Day!!!

No matter how much I have always wanted a sister, nothing can make up for the love I have for my two incredible older brothers!!! They were the first best friends I ever had, and still are my very best! They are amazing and I have always looked up to them! ...Even though they are crazy nuts!

The list is really endless, but here are some reasons why I think they are the best, and am so happy to be their little sister:

1. They make me laugh. I don't know many who can constantly make me laugh quite like my brothers! They have been making me laugh my whole life.

Yes, even with small beginnings.

They know how to make me laugh at any time. They can even break me when I'm trying really hard to remain upset by something. Even just listening to their laughs makes me laugh so hard that I can't breathe! Their sense of humor is one in the same, and something that I think really defines the Montez brothers! Whether it is the noises they make, the things they say, the episodes of Spongebob they quote, or the other little things that people may classify as "dumb", I love it! It sure warms my life!

2. They are wonderful examples. I have looked up to my brothers (quite literally too, because I'm small) my whole life. They have always been a great example to me and I have always strived to follow in their footsteps!

They have guided me throughout many things in this life and have helped in showing me the best paths to take!

They have always been very responsible about their school, work, and relationships with other people. When I was younger, I would always watch what they were doing. I would watch how they would talk with their friends, how they would give talks at church, how they would fulfill the chores that my parents gave them. I watched how they grew. They are both very strong young men inside and out. Daniel is very direct, one with a strong voice, and Scott also has leadership qualities, as well as a plan that only needs executing. They are both very hard working, and know how to become happy.

They are both also very strong spiritually! They always have been. For years, I have passed by their rooms (or maybe just waltzed in unannounced, because that's what little siblings do), and seen them studying their scriptures, listening to a talk, praying, making phone calls to members of the ward, etc.

They both served full time missions, and I know that they truly served as instruments in the Lord's hands. I know that they still do to this day, because they have such a strong fellowshipping spirit about them. I love being in the same singles ward with them, because I get to see them magnify their calling on a daily basis. They inspire me to be more diligent in my responsibilities.

I also love how they make sure to attend the temple on a weekly basis. They have been doing this for a couple of years, ever since they returned from their missions. They, along with my parents, have taught me the importance of temple attendance, and I feel so blessed to live so close to the Gilbert temple and take on that weekly blessing as well.

My brothers are so virtuous in thought and deed. Whenever there is some non-uplifting commercial on TV or something, they change the channel. I said earlier how hilarious they are, and I take joy in the fact that their humor is always clean. Because of my brothers, I understand how important it is for a girl like myself to stand for virtue in a world that would have me make something less of what I am really designed for.

3. They include me in their lives. I am so grateful that my brothers make time for me, and they also want me to be a part of their lives. The time the give me and spend with me makes me feel loved so much. It is often easy for a youngest child to feel a little left out of things sometimes. Don't get me wrong, we have our differences. Daniel and Scott are the dynamic duo. They laugh at the same things, like the same music, they both love sports, they can talk business, they are both BOYS! I can sometimes be the awkward third wheel of a little sister (who doesn't know much about sports), but I am so grateful they bring me along. They also give room for some of the things I like. Daniel really took to "Les Mis" and sometimes I hear Scott listening to the classical music station when he is driving. :)

They also always made sure to play with me and let me in on their fun when I was little!

The three of us have always been very close, but I think the older we have gotten, the closer we have gotten. We have had deeper conversations, and have been able to hang out with each other more often than not! It is so fun being in the same singles ward with them! I don't think I would rather be in any other ward, even if there were some great looking guys for me (maybe)! They introduced me to the amazingness of YSA life, and it has been great as their friends have become my friends!

4. I don't know what I would do without them! Life without my brothers can be very hard for me. Like I said, they are my very best friends. I am so used to seeing them every single day. They both bring so much light into my life. Even if I am not feeling up to participating with them from the struggles of life, the entertainment of watching them is enough to bring a smile to my face.

It was quite different for me when they were on their missions. When Daniel was gone, Scott and I missed him. Daniel in a way was our ring leader. But alas, we made it through, and our sibling relationship grew. Then when Scott was gone, Daniel and I missed him terribly! Scott is the source of all things jovial in our house. We still found things to laugh at, but most of our laughs came from memories of Scott.

But the hardest time for me was a space of 4 months when their missions overlapped. Scott left in May 2010, and Daniel didn't get home until September 2010. Our house was so quite and I felt kind of lonely. I almost felt like I wasn't completely myself without them.

One of the best days of my life was when all three of us were united again in June 2012! Such a happy day! Whenever I reflect on that happy homecoming day, I realize how much I need both of my brothers and that Heavenly Father gave them to me for a specific reason.

5. One reason that simply cannot go unannounced is the fact that my brothers love to dance! They are dancing champions! Their dancing brings me so much happiness! Daniel thinks he is so cool with his fly moves...

 ...and Scott tries too ;)

You never know when someone is going to break out dancing in the Montez household! In the words of Nacho "It is the best, I love it!". From their Michael Jackson moves, to trying to moonwalk on the kitchen tile; to their Latin dances, to going crazy at wedding receptions; to church dances, to taking a break from homework to bust a move to killer jams, I love it!!!

So now you know some of the simple reasons why I love my brothers! My brothers are a huge part of my life and I love them so much! I am so so so blessed to have them, even though we sometimes argue, or a certain 22 yr old likes to chase me around the house still to this day...

I love you Daniel and Scott! Happy National Sibling Day!